I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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