I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
