I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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