I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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