there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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