i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
