Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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