Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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