i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize