I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
