Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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