Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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