I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
