fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
