get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
