Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
