I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just had sex on a roof
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
