I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
