He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
