I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
