I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
