the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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