I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
