I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
