Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
