Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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