i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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