I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
