so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
