There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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