i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
