Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
