idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
