yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
