new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
