So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
