Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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