Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
