Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
