I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
