Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize