whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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