just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
