so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
