drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
