I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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