First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
