I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
