Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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