I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
