It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
