Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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