I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
