I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
