I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
