Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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