I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I smell stomach acid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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