Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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