i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
