Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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