no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
