i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I party with great urgency now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
