it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
