Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Enjoy the penises
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
