I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
