oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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