Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
