Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm really busy with my period
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