dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You are the jesus of drinking
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
