Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
