I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
