five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
