She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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