i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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