lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize