At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
