A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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